Sudah lama tinggalkan blog ni. Selama ni update pun malas. Well, bukan malas lah actually. Just apa masa aku ada terluang, terlalu mahal untuk nak melekat online saja. Nak online pun bukan macam dulu. Kalau dulu blog saja. Sekarang dengan Facebook, Twitter, Instagram bagai... pening siot nak update semua.
So where do I start with actually trying to make an effort to update my blog again that once documented my life proper.
So let's start with some thoughts in my head.
All these while, aku tak pernah merancang lebih jauh dalam hidup aku. Sejujurnya, semua aku lakukan ikut gerak hati. Apa aku rasa MUNGKIN yang terbaik bagi diri aku.
Not the most mature way to go about things.
Still, I haven't done too bad.
2012 however has taught me a lot of life lessons.
Let go of the petty bitterness of disappointments and frustrations past. No matter what you went through, or how unfair it was - get a grip and move on. And I've been trying to do that.
Also, while I've always been a spontaneous sort of person that has lived by making snap decisions - now I've decided to mature just a little bit and be more focused in achieving set goals.
My aim in life has never been to get rich.
You want to know what I think life is all about? Making a better living for my loved ones. My father, my mother, my sister - and my son.
Through that motivation, I've also been more focused into leaving a legacy. Think of it. Everything you've done or achieved... kalau esok kau di panggil kembali - will people even give a fuck that you ever existed? Will anyone remember?
That realization came saat pengkebumian arwah Yasmin Ahmad. People from all walks of life, came - not only to mourn her, but to celebrate her life. She had left such an amazing impact on the lives of so many, termasuk diri aku - that at the end of the day - no one will forget her.
I'll probably never achieve that - to be someone so full of love for other people... but the least I can do is try my best to live for a reason, a purpose - apart for just myself.
So in the later part of 2012 - I have been laying the foundation of my path for the future (however long that may be). Life's too short to whine or complain alone. Affirmative action sometimes is the best.
I also have taken on more responsibilities to be more mature. Damn... nak umur 37 nih, walaupun jiwa dan semangat tetap macam budak belasan tahun, I can't keep living recklessly and just forget I do have responsibilities to execute. Dari dulu, I haven't been the sort nak wat paperwork, nak meeting orang corporate bagai. Well, guess what... I'm finally learning being creative is one thing. I've got to learn how to handle the business side of things more better.
Selama ni, kengkawan gelak aku. Kata aku Cina yang gagal... sebab tak pandai wat duit. Asyik nak wat percuma sebab nak bantu orang. Selama ni wat camtu, kena pijak kena hina kena amik kesempatan. No more. Time to work for myself and my loved ones, and those who deserve that helping hand. No more, no less.
My goal for 2013 is simple. I want to make more music. I want to get my studio built and develop more new talents. Not for money, but a balance between commercial appeal - and art - which can bring our music further in the eyes of the world.
Time spent with Yuna and Zee have been eye opening. Learning more from them makes me believe more in dreaming bigger. Nothing is impossible, if you don't set limitations.
Yerlah... nak mimpi je satu. Usaha pun kena sama gak nak capai apa dikehendaki kan? So praying that my plans slowly fall into place...
I see a revolution coming in Malaysian music. The new sounds of the future are playing today if you just listen close enough.
In 1 1/2 years, I'm happy a boy living in a 'surau', makan dalam RM3 sehari, cari makan sebagai penghibur jalanan - sudah mampu nak berdiri sama tinggi dengan orang dalam industri muzik Malaysia. Of course I'm talking about Amir Jahari.
Selepas Anugerah Juara Lagu, second single dia, Penghibur Jalanan pun dah mendapat sambutan hangat kat semua stesen radio. I'm proud semuanya menjadi. Our target was never to make money solely, cukuplah segala makan minum pun dah ok.
Yang pentingnya, nak ketengahkan seni... seni anak muda yang berusaha, walaupun serba kekurangan nak berlawan dengan industri ini yang memang money power tu penting. It's ok. Everyone has advantages, and disadvantages.
Lari topik. So after Amir, I have dreams to build more quality talents, and we'll see if it happens.
Minggu ni, dengan izinNya, I have a meeting that could just make or break my plans for the studio and art center I want to build to develop more young talents. Semuanya bergantung pada satu mesyuarat ini. Aku nervous gila sebenarnya sebab harapan terlalu tinggi untuk perancangan aku menjadi kenyataan.
At this point, aku dah temui ramai 'kawan' yang pentingkan duit, dan lupa niat asal mereka masuk ke dalam industri ni... sehingga berkiblatkan wang Ringgit. Tak apa... itu pilihan jalan masing-masing. Biarlah orang dengan cara masing-masing. Aku tetap dengan pendirian aku...
I am slightly disheartened at this point, but I look forward to a future with more colour, more music and more art.
Hopefully... my random musings in this entry will bear fruit in the near future.
At any rate, aku nak rajinkan dire balik kat sini juga. Hope I still have somebody... anybody reading...
Kalau tak ada pun... I guess it feels kind of nice to be venting, as I'm learning how not to bore people with my life anymore. Kadang-kadang diam adalah lebih bijak.
PS - I am SO lucky I've had amazing companies like Blackberry back me up all this while. Korang tau tak set untuk Anugerah Juara Lagu untuk Amir Jahari disponsor mereka? And all the performers, the vocalists, the band (including members of Go Gerila!) and the stompers in No Noise Percussion pun tolong gila babiks punya? Belum lagi keluarga Kasi Gegar Entertainment. Syukur seribu kali syukur ramai masih percaya in my dream...