Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Self-doubt

I don't usually don't doubt myself. Doubt for me, is a waste of time.


Weigh out the pros and cons and consider the implications, and voila, ko da ada pun keputusan yang sepatutnya your make. Or at least, that's how I usually make up my mind.

I'm now however in a little bit of a doubt. Business is good... and I think that I've been taking the positive step in my career to chase my dreams.

My friends would know - ultimately, my dream is to make my own movies, have my own recording label where I can introduce real music by real talents marketed right, my own book... so many stuff that I think I'm moving in the direction for right now with what I am doing.

Biasalah. Jadi wartawan dan penulis, orang pikiaq kita ni mana lah reti nak wat tuh nih. Kita ni keja kritik... senang je kan?

Nevermind that it took years of learning and experience to achieve what I have. Nevermind kids outside the business never see what I have achieved. It's not for the name...

Just sometimes in this business it gets sickening, because ESPECIALLY in Malaysia, ideas are not as treasured as they should be.

Nevermind a shitty idea takes flight, tengok sapa yang wat, who you're connected to, who you're related to... how you got the job in the first place.

Honestly, I am more disheartened by how hard it is, day by day... never mind that I've done my time. Nevermind I deserve it. Someone else gets it cause they gave someone a blow job or something.

Oh well... hard work will always persevere. And I can't say I haven't really got credit for what I've done. Guess I'm just frustrated by the speed.. or lack thereof, of how things are taking shape. My obsessive self wants it NOW!

Just the slow pace of things sometimes makes me doubt myself, and second guess decisions I make. Oh well.. it'll pass. Stakat ni, aku tak keja full time macam dahulu pun income masuk jek.

Just... I want to go places... fast. I don't have all the time in the world.

They say live each day like it's the last. I have the reckless abandon to live it as such, it's just that I also live in the panic of it that I'll never get everything I want done in time.

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