Sunday, July 26, 2009

Darkness... and a little rain

It's been a difficult 24 hours for me.

Finally, I can sort out my emotions, my thoughts. Sort of.

Semalam actually, I felt a bit, well.. lain semacam. I don't know. Teringat arwah Loloq. How they said 72 hours observation and pada hari ketiga... well, you know... and then sama tempat lak kat Damansara Specialist Hospital.

Called kak Fati. Dia ngan family masa tuh about kol 8 lebih tengah dinner kat 1 Utama dinner. They had been at the hospital and were going back to the hospital. So janji nak jumpa meka later, as thought nak temankan mereka kejap. Leh borak borak, cheer the family up ke...

Was held up sebab janji kengkawan nak jumpa and all sebab ada hal nak uruskan. Time wasted cause semua called off.

Was passing Section 17 in PJ, minutes from the hospital when got a call from Juita, bini Pacai.

"Babe. Did you hear?"


"Yasmin's gone. Harith just told me."

FUCK!!!! Aku masa tuh start mengigil. Then the SMSes came in to confirm. Started shivering and bak keta cam orang gila nak sampai hospital cepat sikit. Like I could have done anything.

Exactly a month since Michael Jackson passed on, also at the same age as Yasmin at 51, another person who has inspired so much love - has passed on.

Sampai hospital mengigil satu badan, palpitations started and broke down when saw Nani at entrance of Emergency.

Yana dan Leysha took me to the third floor where everyone was. Saw kak Fati ngan Shuhami Baba. Hugged mummy and broke down again. Had to sit down to calm myself.

Took about 15 minutes to compose myself.

"The family is very distraught, and we have to be strong for them, Joe," kata kak Fati.

So went out for a smoke nak tenangkan diri. Fuck again! Lupa nak top up phone yang da abih gayut AND da abih rokok. Dalam kelam kabut tak sempat stop nak top up semua yang perlu.

Sial tol. Bummed a ciggy from Emran and chilled out. Elly sampai and aku bak dia naik atas. Na take my mind off things, pinjam laptop dia update status Twitter je.

Then Jac sampai. Aduh... another round. And one by one people started arriving. Aznil... then kengkawan media lain.

An hour or two later, it was over. Meka bak jenazah balik ke rumah family.

Went for a drink with Elly, Wafa and friend.

Sampai umah 3 lebih pagik, tak dapat tidur. Entah. Cam something just not right. I don't believe any of it actually happened.

Bersengkang mata sampai pagi. Dapat info from kak Fati, then jumpa As skali gerak. Sampai kat Masjid Abu Bakar As-Siddiq kat SS19 da ramai orang.

Aku dok tepi je. It just didn't feel right. It hasn't sunk in kak Min is gone.

Masa meka nak bak jenazah kuar bak masuk van. the family ask for non-Muslim family and friends to come forward bagi peluang. I just stood by the van jenazah. When the body came close to me, aku just started crying imagining kak Min inside. It's just not right.

Aku masa tu semput jap, seb baik As drive.

Sampai kat tanah perkuburan kat USJ22, I couldn't cry anymore. Masa meka lowered the body into the grave, I just stared. My mind was a blank.

Mak Inom passed out when they started the talkin, and didn't get up even after it was all over. Yasmin's hubby pun nak rebah masa meka started throwing earth into the grave... everyone didn't cry as much as the moment in the hospital.

I knew what they felt. I felt it too. It was disbelief that Yasmin was gone.

Aku walked about 800 metres or so ke station Petronas berdekatan. Amik ko jalan kaki bawah panas terik. Had a drink. Stared at the funeral going on in the distance. Couldn't absorb.

Made way back pastuh. Didn't meet, or talk to anyone else. Balik, terus tidur. 24 hours of all this drained me, and pressure aku pun naik ngan tak cukup tidur.

After a couple of hours, kena lak wat two articles on kak Min's passing.

Aku bab tulis articles ni laju je. But kali ni, didn't know what to write, or how to write it. Felt my writing wasn't good enough to do justice to the memory of kak Min.

Finished it hours later.

Ni update blog ni masih keletihan, dan dalam keadaan tak percaya still.

I miss kak Min.

You want to know something? Iklan ni by Yasmin... it was something that I remembered the most.

Masa iklan ni keluar, aku ingat lagik. Years ago. Masa tu tengah layan TV ngan orang tua aku. Terus membuat aku fikir. Ada gak yang sanggup layan orang tua mereka camnih. I looked at my parents and realised they were my priority in life.

And that's the thing about kak Min. If you knew her, she kept preaching love. And she spread it to everyone who knew her. If you didn't personally have the chance, her films, her writing, her commercials... they were extensions of who she was. What she was all about.

Letih. Watching a string of Yasmin's beautiful work on ads she's done in the past. Go to Youtube, and laugh or cry with them. As a tribute. In memory of her. And feel what she wanted you to feel.

To be proud of who you are. Malaysian - be it Malay, Chinese, Indian, or any other race. To love your parents no matter what. To appreciate family.

Am going to rest now... but just want to share one last thing with you guys. This is kak Min's commercial which runs in Singapore.

And that's all for now. Need rest. Esok kena gi office kejap, and then kena rush to Melaka. Be safe guys. Love all of you. Hugs.



hush joe,

yes,she's so dear to us.i don't get to know her personally like you did,but last night i was grief stricken myself.silly,but i cried as though she's a family.

perhaps because the love of family she shared through her passionate works taught me to appreciate and cherish the togetherness more.

i still have tears in my eyes as i write about her this morning,knowing that her blog is now somewhat her life journal -- speaking about her loving,selfless heart.

as much as miss her joe,i know you'd miss her more.

you take care now.


aku sengaja avoiding the funeral waktu pagi coz aku tak sanggup nak tengok semuanya.. tadi bila aku sampai USJ22 1pm++ org dah mula balik.. aku kuatkan jugak diri tgk kubur arwah.. dan sekrg aku masih tingtong gak! :-(

Kali ini aku pun rasa kehilangan seorang ada perjuangannya yang tersendiri....

Kali ini aku pun rasa kehilangan seorang ada perjuangannya yang tersendiri....

Have never had the chance to know arwah
personally....only through her brilliant works
and aku ttp terasa kehilangan
arwah....u dont have to know someone personally
to really feel their love and to love them in return..
And that's how i feel for kak min..she had given
so much love to malaysians more than she ever
imagined....and if only she knew how much she
is loved! My heart goes out to her family members,
esp her mum....i can imagine how hard it is for
them losing someone as special as kak min :(
and it must be very difficult for u too joe...but u'll have
to be strong...cos that's how kak min wld have wanted
...its up to us now to spread arnd the love that she has untirelessly given....

To kak min....tq so much for having touched my life
thru yr works n yr storytelling....i know ur in a better
place now....

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmatNya keatas roh Yasmin
Ahmad & tempatkanya bersama2 org yg beriman...Amin.

sooo sad....i can feel it too..big lost in this industry.."Rest in peas Yasmin Ahmad" may Allah bless her..

Am still struck and still can't accept that she's gone. Even the thought of her made me cry. This morning on my way to the office, I cried again listening to Hotfm tribut to her. Never known her personally but I just love her work. Alfatihah to her.

it's sad.

but she left us at an incredibly high note.

she'll always be remembered.


go baca today's kosmo.

wth, wtf.

lagi 2 bulan nk rayer...... setiap tahun aku tggu iklan..... tapi taun ni..... tak tau lgik....... tgok tb pon musti dah tak meriah lgik..........
satu kehilangan besar......... walaupn aku tak kenal arwah........ tapi filem n iklan die dekat ngan aku..... sad......

al fatihah.......

i'm still crying for her loss :'( too bad on her burial day, me and my mom wanted to go since she's known her way back when they were studying together in the UK, but my nazi dad kept us at was just know i even had this dream that if ever one day i'd be given a chance to act, i'd wanna work with arwah..well...not happening now...

and screw all the haters who just CAN'T STOP scrutinizing about her (malas nak cakap on what issue but i guess you know). dah takdelah iklan2 raya and merdeka yang best2 after this..