Sunday, November 09, 2008

Sun Tzu rocks!

Dah lama aku tak post something that is even remotely removed from the usual fluff of the entertainment industry or even my personal life. So since today is Sunday, and I managed to spend some time on the phone with some friends just.. erm.. talking about some situations yang serious bagik kita gelak kebodohan orang tertentu dalam dunia hiburan ni... I thought long and hard on a situation and tried to analyse it for what it's worth.

Jarang da sekarang aku tulis stuff like this in my blog. But I need it as a manifesto of sorts, to hold on to, in an effort to better myself.

So here it goes...

When I started in the media, coming up to thirteen years now, I noticed individuals affected by a general plague that infects even the most sane of mind. Which is this inane need for approval.

I never had that. Thus, I was known for not kissing ass, and said things I felt strongly for, with no agenda or gain. This has often been mistaken for arrogance, and self-righteousess. Instead, supposed PR-savvy folks who 'jilat sampai melecet!' (sorry, had to use that one line) are often taken for genuinely loveable people.

I have assessed that their actions, mostly (especially of person or persons in relation to conversations held today) stems from the need for approval and the fear of disapproval due to the mistaken the belief that others are responsible for their worth. This usually begins with individuals who are, or eventually become, at lost for passion for this business at some point, and actually think it's all about them instead of the art, and works produced.

With such a need to live by other people's standards, comes unnecessary anxiety and stress as the said person continues on a constant struggle for approval or even worse, strategies to counter disapproval. The latter which only makes things worse, as only results of actions of an unsound mind can produce.

I believe that if you were to take on the responsibility of defining your own worth, which you would of course be the best to ascertain, then why worry about you in the eyes of others?

See who you really are - and love yourself.

Feeling GENUINELY better about yourself will lessen the need for dependence on the approval of other. Of course this comes with the GENUINE love for one's self as opposed to the shallow mouthed words of conviction in saying you simply are the best. That part often gets thrown into a mix of arrogance which erases humility,and thus rendering the whole mix of realisation of self-worth just impotent.

This is what I tell myself everyday as I am reminded by the stupid acts of others who fall victim to this affliction which they can't even acknowledge being stricken by.

The worse part? When someone tries to be smart... when they're not.

The most poisonous combination with the need for approval, is the supposed understanding of the art of manipulation which one would utilise to promote for mass recognition in the dire need for approval.

I've read before that manipulation is a classic tool used by addicts (of any sort) and is a close cousin to denial and other cognitive distortions.

It assists an addict to maintain their addictive behaviors, which in this context relates to the need for approval. Manipulation gives the addict a false sense of power and control over others, while actually feeling insignificant and powerless. Needless to say, when it is a illusion that one actually is artful at manipulation, when otherwise, this makes for such a situation where they eventually stand to lose it all.

I remind myself of the pain others go through dealing with this situations where they dig themselves into a deeper grave each time as they seek a lifestyle, they're so far removed from, attainable only by illusions of grandeur.

I am training myself to surrender myself and begin to take an inventory of past personal and social errors, and practice more adaptive and healthy ways of interacting with others, without such approaches. Making amends to those people you wronged can be both scary and freeing! I have blogged before on a general apology to right my past wrongs, and for those those are still festering in bitterness, afflicted by the poisons above, I can only shrug at their follies and feel sorry for them.

Yes, there are a lot of bitter people in this business, who live in the negativity and need for 'revenge' as they feel wronged for mistakes of their own.

All I can say is, as Sun Tzu put it. Every battle is won before it is ever fought. And I have taken stock and evaluated my battles and am prepared.
Like peeling off a plaster which can sting, it is best done quick to avoid prolonging the sense of pain.

Likewise, taking into account this quote :

"When you engage in actual fighting, if victory is long in coming, then men's weapons will grow dull and their ardor will be damped. If you lay siege to a town,you will exhaust your strength."
Sun Tzu - Art Of War

I plan nothing else but focus on the necessary, and make whatever attempts, no matter at even a miniscule scale - to be downed as quickly as possible to avoid wasting unnecessary time devoted on such dramas ad end up bring drained and emotionally spent.

I have also begun putting aside petty grudges or disagreements as I feel they are a distraction, though some revel in it as they find it defines their self worth (I am flattered but you eventually die a quick merciful if I take you on)

I am now a happier person, devoted to the betterment of myself. And for those who can't deal with it and live in the insecurities of age or a life of lies... fuct ut vivas! (google that!)

And for those who don't understand why I went on with all that psychobabble, think of it as my ranting and raving that I just had to do to sort things out in my mind with words. They may not make much sense to anyone... but they do to me. Aku bukan nak tulis thesis haper pon. Saja nak record some random thoughts which may or may not make sense to others.

Siapa yang paham, paham ler.. yang tak, wat paham jer la.

Anyway... busy day tomorrow. Got meeting at RTM, but got to rush to Astro first. Mampus aku nak bangun awal ad a full day. Also some plans for music video shoot in Jakarta utuk tolong kengkawan, which is going to be so fun. That and other trivial stuff are so going to take up my whole day.

Besok je la aku post entry yang gila-gila sikit macam biasa.

PS - Am planning a surprise birthday party for a friend, where everyone is flown first class to a secret location on an island resort without my friend knowing about it. Interesting yes?