Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Origin of love - thank you

Still feeling a little down. Tapi aku wat entry ni khas buat Farah dari Shah Alam, teman pembaca blog yang baru call aku tadi. Thank you darling sebab sanggup nak try and cheer me up despite never having met.

Second time talkng to you on the phone or not... you make me feel good. I wish you all the happiness n the world like that you wish on others. We need more people who care...

Yes, I do feel like a million Ringgit (before tax) when there are people who follow my life and relate to what i feel at times. And I am sorry my depression skang is getting some of you down.

Can't help feeling how I do... and good or bad, I have to share it. Venting in my blog, is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Yerlah... I am feeling disillusioned kerana orang yang aku sangka aku sedikit sebanyak faham, dan faham aku, hilang tanpa berita, hanya kerana itulah cara dia tuk tangani keadaan ngan not talking until dia nak.

Which ends up making me feel like crap.

I don't know why I let these things get to me... bu they do. And I'm only human. I feel too. I get cut, I bleed too.

It'll heal... just a little time needed.

Kakak angkat aku, Suria penah marah aku... because she said the same things as you, Farah, which is I give my heart too easily to people.

"You keep giving a piece of your heart so easily... and one day, you realise that you have nothing left. And you have to love yourself, before you can love others"

Thanks kak Su, you were always my strength, sebab aku tau ko pon sama cam aku, sucker for punishment! (matilah dalam depression sempat mencarut)

My real sis too has been a source of inspiration - pessimist or not.

These people, including my parents are my constant source of strength.

Flashy items, wads of money, diamonds... all these don't make you who you are. Character.
Now if only I could get someone to appreciate me for who I am. But I suppose in hindsight, I have to start loving myself more too.

After all- I have so many people who do care for me, though not in the same way. Tima kasih adik aku Aqim sebab ko asik bagik aku gelak je. Lupa sat masaalah aku.

BTTB - I'm waiting for your call ok... let's talk... that's why I never spoke to you of it. Afraid of losing you in my life. And hasn't it proven true.,, wish you'd understand that I didn't mean to lie or keep it from you. Didn't think you were ready.

And it's not that I don't understand and don't want to understsnd you. Tapi... I wish you understood me a little more.

Missing you...

PS - To my soul mate in Jakarta - thank you for your support and love in times like this. You mean the world to me.