Monday, October 16, 2006

We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.

And that's the sad truth at times.

We all like to think ofourselves as immune, untouchable... and God forbid, invincible to the depraved blindness of ignorance.

The truth?

At times... some of us forsake that preferred sight for the sake of being pragmatic.

The past few weeks I've been grappling with a lot of personal demons that I myself have encountered numerous times throughout my life, and at most, only won minor battles.

Is it the obsessive compulsive order of my nature which dictates me and my life?

When things hurt, and I shriek in immediate response... is it my fault?

I don't intend to hurt people, but why am I faced with such insensitivity from people around me.

I'm told so many times, that the world doesn't always work in my favour, but sometimes other parties forget, I AM part of the revolving world too.... and it doesn't always work in their favour as well and thus, it is in most cases, a problem of perception.

That aside however, while life is not viewed from the monochromatic vision of distinction, some things are, as simple.

We are all literally and unwittingly two-faced.

We are all undeniably so every day of our lives as that is the sole factor in most cases in attracting or alienating friendship prospects and our general social life.

Some may call it pragmatic... but sometimes, small things hurt.

I have never gone out, even as a friend with an ex of a friend for having placed loyalty to my friend first. Not to mention the ex has never brought benefit to me... though even it the answer was in the positive, my answer would still be in the negative.

So why does it offend me, when a friend goes out with a former flame, of whatever nature, for whatever, supposedly casual thing?

It only offends me to think that some people never put themselves into others' shoes.

Some affairs, no matter how hurtful, are so easily and casually dismissed as a small matter and no big deal.

Would you have dared do so in front of me? In my presence?

Is it friendship then to practise, 'what you don't see won't hurt you?', because if it is so, then I'll play within the confines of the general relaxed rules that seem to govern everyone.

Do unto others, what you wish be done unto you

Going by that, I can imagine returning many favours around me.

But then again, that would be vindictive.. petty... and some say even juvenile.

But oh Lord help me... why does the world justify something is unfair only against my favour.

You don't need to make resolutions only at the beginning of the year... and I've resolved to be more patient with people around me.

Sometimes however, people just don't deserve respect, simply because they hardly have any value for themselves, they treat others with the same contempt and pettiness that they impart upon themselves unwillingly.

Friendship is not a simple thing. But the simple 'it takes two to tango', should remind many that it is not one's person's duty for the safekeeping, nurturing and maintainence of a friendship.

Pragmatic is not a word I believe in.

Just like when people say God willing...or God's will be done, uttered as a quick non-commital, dimissal effort to wave off uninteresting invites, pragmatic for me has become a cowardly word that is used once too often and abused.

This entry is not to hurt anyone - as several people, yes, not just you (you know who you are), pop into my mind that has made me feel the need to vent.

I just plead everyone in my life to understand, they're not the only ones going through a tough period in their lives with a smile on their face.

All of us soldier on everyday.

And it only makes sense if RESPECT is the main ingredient of a friendship.

I'm 30 and I'm tired. I really don't know how much crap I can take in my life.

The past year has been one of the most streneous... and I don't know if I can pull this all the way.

I am sick of the endless dramas....I seem to be surrounded by drama queens.

There's one in all of us, but the question is, what price does it come at.

I'm done with my late night ranting...normal entry tomorrow.

Good night.

Sorry blogdrive gila kebelakangan idea lah pasal bab meka tuka server semua. Tu yang tunggu meka ok dulu baru aku rajin balik.