Monday, August 28, 2006

Hati terusik... ada yang membisik

Kali ni aku nak wat posting dua part. When I started my blog, it was all about luahan hati aku, kebanyakkannya berkaitan ngan hidup peribadi aku.

Somewhere along the way, after the therapy that it provided me in the face of personal hurt, aku banyak blogging pasal kerja dan sebagainya.

Which is still ok I suppose, sebab tu lah gunanya blog kan?

Catatan peribadi... jurnal harian... my own little diary with my thoughts and my feelings all coded into this little bit in cyberspace.

My own confessional.

Tapi... I understand, some people come in here for hope... to read the light fluff that surrounds my life as well. And that's ok.

So, the first part of my posting will be about my regular activities, and the second part is about addressing some concerns I have.

Phew... that was really unncessary, but seeing how many idiots have access to the Internet and do NOT understand what a blog is supposed to be, I just thought offering them a choice of reading what they want to would be fair.

Of course, if they hate this blog tapi still masuk, then it wouldn't make sense to them any way kan?

PART I
Whatever... well...so Friday.

Hmm... picking up from Friday... aku abih keja je, drove in the rain to the promise of a fun weekend, despite not being able to join geng semua ke Hatyai.

My destination? Nak ke opis Maestro.

Patutnya aku jumpa Faizal kat Subang Jaya je, kat Click Studio, tapi sebab awal lagi, dan aku pun takde arah tuju memana, so decided lepak ler sekali je.

Sampai, temankan Along minum kat mamak bawah, pastuh serempak ngan Freddie
and Melvyn and had short chat.

Pakcik Faizal dropped by to join, and then shortly tuh aku naik ler.

Dalam nak mengisi masa sejam sebelum nak ke sesi photography (ni tuk profile meka... tatau ler kalao pakai tuk album art), Faizal sambung recording tuk album Raya. Banyak ler retake.. (takde ler banyak sangat...merasalah aku kena carut Man Bangla!!!)

Ok ler...tapi ngantuk aku sebab ye lah... kat luar tengah ujan, and then aku pun letih. Pejal muka nampak stress abih! Kesian lak dia tak cukup tidur dan letih.

Tepat kul 8pm, dah settle laying the vocal tracks, kami pun gerak ler. Faizal, pakcik dia dan YY satu keta. I drove on my own... layan My Heart on repeat teringatkan wajah seseorang je sepanjang perjalanan (angau tul aku ni)

Sampai kat area Sunway Pyramid, perjalanan yang lancar tetiba terhenti. Mak aih!!! Cam parking lot! tak de keta bergerak langsung. K*m*kkkkkkk!!!!!!

Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Two hours and fifteen minutes later aku sampai Click yang sebenarnya jarak dalam maybe about 5km je jauh cam da nak sampai Kuantan rasanya ngan time perjalanan teramat.
Aku da agak aku mesti first sebab masa sampai roundabout in the first hour, YY call aku meraung pasal meka masih depan Pyramid. Amik ko....

Famee and Hatta ngan adik dia sampai kemudian dalam 10 minit pastuh.

It took another half hour sebelum Fiazal & Co. sampai Click.

Nak dekat kul 11, tengok muka Faizal semakin affected... so mintak dia rehat dulu... Dok keta dua jam lebih, dia kata tak dapat tidur. Aduh... kesian tol.

Half an hour later, ngan Famee da make-up semua, they started the photography.

Faizal ni kategori Haziq gak. Memang natural la bab dpan kamera ni.

Senang je keja ngan dia...

Tiga pasang baju kemudian, nampaknya dia semakin warm-up and tambah hebat beraksi depan kamera.

More than three hours later, kami semua gerak.

Aku lepak ngan member minum... then balik tuk call it a night.

By the way, anyone watched channel 9 tak hari Jumaat tuh? Ada entertainment programme, don't know what it's called, but I was interviewed on it about the issue of managers and artistes and professionalism (merasalah some people would say what I know about all this kan)

Saturday was a lazy day. Balas dendam tidur puas-pias.

Siang gi Astro sat sebab ada rakaman interview tuk program Mawi... Ina yang interview aku pasal pandangan aku. Jangan harap ler aku laser sangat sebab ada direction dalam interview tuh ek (matilaaaaaaa...)

Mintak-mintak editing meletup...

Petang, jumpa Zamzuri kat KLCC and then join dia for Planet YM punya bowling tournament. Let the pictures tell you what a 'happy' event it was (matilah aku kena carut pas ni... ampun!!!)

Met old friends... new friends...

Saw weird fashion trends including seseorang ni yang pakai seluar panjang rolled up, and then these pair of terompah... clogs yang jalan je *klik* *klok*... tak sesuai.

Very the statement gi pasar (jangan marah uols)

Rancang nak ke Dataran Merdeka sebab Faizal ada bagitau dia perform tuk malam
puisi ke apa kat sana, tapi sebab sibuk kecoh kat bowling alley tuh tak
sempat lak. Sedar-sedar da kul 11. Call Faizal tak dapat, so call Farhan. Her uncle picked up kata tengah show. Shortly after, Farhan message kata show da abih.

Then Faizal SMS kata show ok.. no problems.

Rugi tak gi tengok... tapi yerlah kan... aku pun nak social life selain dari Akademi Fantasia je.

Kekadang aku lupa beza kerja dan kehidupan peribadi aku because I am so used to both being one.

Hung out for supper with some friends, and later met someone up for drinks and a long chat.

That added weight to my problems... (ada dalam second part posting ni)

By the time nak tidur Sunday morning, tak ngantuk walaupun mata letih (boleh?) Popped a Xanax and called it a 'night'.

Merasalah bangun awal (even Xanax can't cure some amount of restlessness), tapi pas gayut kat phone sat, tertidur akibat xanax tuh masih power.

Setan... by the time aku tul-tul up and about... da lewat petang.

Bosan lak sebab da tidur seharian.

Call sorang-sorang.

Alam tengah sibuk editing... Vernon sibuk redecorating...penyeludup hormon stuck
menunggu bus nak nalik KL.... abang Badrul patut have dinner with his family manakala Zaamzuri lak ada date.

Bosannn!!!

BerSMS ramai lagi... Marsha kata dia ada hal, tapi dia kata Rich and gang da
call ajak karaoke, but she counldn't join them. She asked me to join them, tapi call Rich dan Lotter tak dapat lak.

Call Haziq... tatau lak dia da balik dari kampung ke tak, so gamble. Haziq kata meka kat Wisma Ali Bawal wat rancangan Aznil. Dia kata set je.... so aku pun confirm ngan Diddy sebab ingat Diddy drive.

Dalam nak confirm, tetiba ramai lak balas SMS yang tak terjawab. Pening nak membalas nonstop (merasalah SMS at least five people at one go!). Macam ada komplot nak peningkan aku je.

Last-last set jumpa kat Uncle Don kat Hartamas...

Abang Badrul, Diddy, Amirul dan Haziq da dok nunggu aku yang berejam baru sampai akibat takde parking.... baru nak salam je tengok eh eh... meja belakang tuh Amylea dan Anding as well as other friends pun ada!

Saat-saat ni terlintas fikiran... pasal komen orang bila aku blog pasal jumpa bebudak ni. Ada yang kata, bab tuh pun nak blog ke? Well.. if you know what a diary is... then you wouldn't ask.

Simple meaning of a blog.

Just kekadang kalao orang tuh indulgent gila, dia rasa ok... tapi bila tengok orang lebih pantang. So all I can say is.. sucks to be you lah...whatever.

Two hours or so flew past camtuh je.

Oh by the way, Haziq... tanak tulis pasal what a wonderful night it was (matilah carut aku nak ngutuk je dalam blog - gelak evil tahap gaban teringat!)

Abih je, gerak nak balik, tapi pas call Juan lak yang on the way balik dari Kuantan, patah balik ke KL because he said he would be at Puduraya at 1am. Sebab keta dia kat Shah Alam, ingat takper la... alang-alang tumpangkan hantar.

Pas jemput, ke rumah Hatta & Co.

Sampai rumah pun da subuh. Aiyak... camni ni...

Ni masuk opis je kelam kabut siapkan apa yang patut sebab nak gi Putrajaya.

Untuk apa?

Untuk ke rancangan Mawi... Ina tuh ler.

Yes, I will not be going for Siti's wedding reception.

Why?

Because after months of covering Siti, I think Mawi...Ina lebih narik kot.

Yerlah... at least mintak tiada rahsia agik kan topik Mawi dan Ina ni.

Yang lagik satu tuh bukan rahsia lagi so no suspense.

Lagikpun, nanti dapat gak tengok gambar baju dia dan sebagainya kang. That's all that's really the feature of the wedding anyway. Plus jangan lupa reception kat Kuala Lipis agik... kat Jakarta agik.

Overdose and overexposed lak aku rasa.... Princess Diana dulu kawin satu dunia tengok pun sekali je masa wedding. Ni sampai tunang dan akad nikah... sanding, then repeat performance dua kali lagik.

Mmm... overkill.

Lagikpun, ada sangat yang terdesak nak sangat gi majlis harapkan invitation, I think the event has become so overcome with people who have nothing to do than scrounge for invitations, that honestly, the exclusivity of going, is not there anymore. I think I have better things to do than mingle with riff-raff who feel the need to be seen at events for free food.

Biarlah ada yang berseronok sana. At least I get paid for it (tepuk gelak sikit)

Aku pass invite aku kat Naji dan Halim sebab meka akan cover aku dalam time aku ke Putrajaya... enjoy guys! (Halim.. intai gosip sikit ek)

Malam ni kena rush balik office, tapi mengharap dapat jumpa yang mengusik malam ni (baca posting bahagian part two kalao nak tau pasal that)

Okler... nak gi Putrajaya ni.

Mawi... Ina? Siti - Datuk K?

Mana lebih sensasi? I think the answer's obvious.

PART II
These are my private emotional rantings. Do not read if you don't need to.

...ketika dilamun kesepian, terdampar dengan duka yang masib belum terubat, ada yang mengusik hati ini.
Disaat ku ingat penawar telah ditemui, ada lain yang membisik.

Hah... jiwang tak aku? Tapi itulah hakikat apa yang dihadapi aku dalam seminggu ini. Sebenarnya, I think only my best friends know what I mean... they should because after all, I have been boring them with all those small details which make life's little annoyances so minute in comparison.

Pada mereka yang sanggup mendengar kisah ku... here's how it started... ni kira versi pendek la.
Setelah aku cuba melupakan 'dia' kerana I really don't want to wallow in depression of another effing frustrating failure, aku ketemui seseorang yang... well in a nutshell, I didn't really think of in that way.

Dalam peluang bersama, kemanjaan orang itu mengusik aku untuk melihat lebih dalam isi hatinya. And while I usually run from things like these at times when I'm still healing from a failure, aku terima dengan hati terbuka.

Reality however has a strange way of morphing into this dangerous adversary yang just soaks up any happiness, and becomes the biggest enemy and threat to our happiness, and perhaps... even the little lives we have.

Without saying much more, all I can say is, while aku nak bersama dengan orang tu, dan aku nak gak usaha tuk bersama dia, aku terasa patutnya aku menhalang diri aku daripada terkena lagi.

Same script, different cast, right.

For those who know... si dia yang baru menghadirkan diri dalam hidup aku, tak ubah sangat keadaan diri dia seperti seseorang yang pernah wujud sebagai tunggak semangat aku.

Dalam dilema... dan juga angau... aku telah pun kenal seseorang ini melalui kawan-kawan.

Dalam tak sedar, kami mesra sebab dia ni easy going and manja.

We talked about a lot of things, and I felt really comfortable.

Aku suka kat dia... tapi takde lah sampai tahap tangkap feeling. Aku bukan jenis 'instant love'.

Anyway... right now, I have set in mind that keduanya kawan... masaalahnya... aku pun ingin berpunya.

So what do I do. Who do I even consider wanting to get closer with.

Go for someone yang keadaan diri dia almost familiar ngan my previous failure, walaupun bukan salah dia, tapi keadaan yang memaksa... ataupun someone yang seems to have the same goals and vision I do.I don't know whether it has something to do with some planetary alignment ke apa... but I think the concept of love right now is as wonky as they come.

Buggered if I'm going to go though this again.

Then again... who can turn away love when it creeps into your heart.

Pada yang mengusik - kalaulah kau mampu berterus terang denganku, apa antara kita dan leraikan persoalan apakah kemungkinan kami bersama...

Pada yang berbisik - aku harap ko faham... dilema aku sekarang. Hati aku belumpun sembuh, tapi sudahpun ia ingin kembali untuk bercinta dan mencintai

PS - Sorry nak update semalam tapi blogdrive wat hal. Ni tadi nak upload berkali-kali sangkut. Sorry kalau ada yang tak dapat view entry ni mula-mula.

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