Monday, June 28, 2004

Linkin all the way....

Oh by the way, I didn't mention did I. About my Linkin Park thingie in Singapore. Met the band, though Joe looks bad now. Saw someone cute which rang my bell as a consolation.

By the way Chester has got a cool meets nerdy mohawk which I'd love to have, while Mike is suddenly looking cool. Interviewed drummer Rob and guitarist Brad who were really cool and relaxed throughout the half hour session. They're like a duo of geeky rednecks who got lucky.But sweet nonetheless...

Brad, Joe & Rob - Look Ma! I'm backstage!

Sigh.... passed a wow... life sucks...

Spaced out...

IT'S been happening again. Losing my mood to blog at all.

Simply for several reasons...including what is probably the most boring phase of my young queer life. Also been busy with work, tonnes of it heaped up, with no time (procrastinator!) and no drive to even get started.

Also the lack of a sex life (haven't had sex since the beginning of blogging) could be part of the reason, I suppose. Had dozens of numbers over the past few weeks, and gave out more than half a dozen of mine, with no results to show.

I've hit a slump, and all I keep doing is looking back at memories of my soulmate to keep me comforted. How pathetic! Hope the next few days will be eventful though. Looking forward to the weekend for the next Akademi Fantasia concert while waiting for Malaysian Idol to kick off its Top 30 show.

At least I have a short term goal in my life that I can meet...geez....

Monday, June 21, 2004


Sorry to have left you blogger. It's past midnight.Too lazy to write much.Past three days have been devoted to Malaysian Idol auditions.

They made the cut for the Top 30 today, and all I can say is thank God Nicky is in. She's a Sabahan girl with an amazing vocal range. Man, so tired, yet so horny....hope to get something on the way as I head home.Have to call someone anyway.... Ciao blogger...

Saturday, June 19, 2004


Just back from Panggung Bandaraya where the elimination rounds of the Malaysian Idol is taking place.

The top 75 selected, and left me damn pissed.

Putri and quite a few more friends who were really awesome did NOT make the cut.

Stupid TV finds it so hard to validate talent, but then again, the tag 'reality television' is an oxymoron on its own.

Even more distressed the Johorean contestant I fancied is NOT available. Looks like I moved in too late. Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Not a good night.Not to mention I'm having diarrhea.The results of which would be the same as that making the Idol cut. Hopefully I get a good fuck tonight so I can forget my woes...

Friday, June 18, 2004

Is there a cure for that???

Was all panicky and all that when I left last night. But everything's OK.

Putri checked in fine and is in the same room with another transvestite, making them the only two deviants in the Malaysian Idol. Really think Malaysians are opening up when it comes to the question of sexuality.

When we got to the hotel however, and I finally caught a glimpse of the 108 participants that qualified, it ran through my mind how delusional some of these folks were, living on the hope that they could be stars.

Which got me thinking of my ranting in one of my previous posts about friends.Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss. The fact that you're a -know-it-all is rarely good.People are always malicious in their intentions of you, and expectedly human nature (and inflated egos) will never allow you to be right - or at least they'll attempt that.

People are simply delusional.

I mean, I've gone through life having different groups of friends, and I've accepted that it's the process of life, to keep growing and keep changing the circle of friends you're with to keep with the ongoing changes.

However as I get older, I notice that circumstances surrounding good-byes become worse, and friends become more scarce. People...everyone in fact wants a yes man for a friend. People like being told nice things. No one wants a naysayer ie. moi!

Whatever...que sera sera...No use bitching about it. Just got into the office.

Am leaving to see how Putri's doing. Still mulling over my best friend's announcement that he's buggering off on a transfer elsewhere for two years. No significant other (one night stands don't count), now no best friend. Lo9ts of bitchy fuckers around me. If there is a hell, I'm sure it. See you later blogger dearest...

Thursday, June 17, 2004


Aiyark! Jennifer Thompson fom Persatuan Akademi Industri Muzik Malaysia just called me up.

She's heading the project team for Malaysian Idols and apparently Putri is supposed to be at Berjaya Times Square Hotel at 5.30pm JUST NOW!!!

Aiyark! Talk about screwed up plans! Gotta rush to Pandan Indah and send her now. Lucky for friends in the right places....See you later blogger...gotta rush...

Fuck friendship

It's so strange. And fucking frustrating. When a friendship ends, when it blows up in your face, who's responsible for picking up the pieces. I tried to move on losing my best friends, and the loss of my 'sisterhood'.

I mean after all, they don't seem to bloody value my friendship. And they always seem to think I'd bend over backwards for them, which I did. I mean gawddammit! I'm only human! But after it's over and done with...the best of us have troubles holding on.

Memories of good times when friendship prevailed still live on, though our egoes lock it deep inside us, daring them to come out for the fear of the worst. The first half of the year has been ugly for me.

Despite closing 2003 with someone special, and the possible reuniting of my sisterhood's close bonds with another friend which I had not spoken with for give or take, a period of a year, the beginning of 2004, while seemed to bode well, did not.

My soulmate was soon history, though I suppose I know one day we'll be together again, though my hope does not lie in the restraints of just this lifetime. My sisterhood, the most singularly important thing in my life after my family, and before my soulmate, was disbanded for good.

I became the villain for trying to take care of everyone. I was pointed out as the loud, bossy bastard. But it's strange. Authority somehow seems granted to you when you're taking the blows.

In times of hardship, emotional or otherwise, when you're there, you can be acknowledged. But in times of when things are going fine, you'll always be that bossy fucker.

You know what...I give up. I don't want to fight for anyone else anymore. I made a mistake in the past to fight for friends, thinking they'd fight for me when the time came. Boy was I sadly mistaken. When the time came, they turned on me and questioned me instead in my need for survival.

They rationalised and justified.... I just had an argument online on Yahoo! Messenger. Left me feeling more fucking pissed and frustrated than ever before. I don't understand people. Are they that blind to themselves? People always say time will tell...well wake up and smell the fucking java beans, bitch. It's screaming bloody murder!!!

Sigh...just sent in my gossip way too late for Jee's assignment. Have to call Kak Jee up and reschedule. Taking a friend , Putri, a drag queen to check in for the third round of Malaysian Idol at Berjaya Times Square tomorrow.

Gotta meet up with her tonight to discuss preparations together with another friend. I hate when my life gets caught up in all the unnecessary crap people give me. It's just so fucking unfair. I know life is unfair...but in the words of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes....why isn't it ever unfair to my advantage??? Bye blogger...leaving the office...


Can you believe it, I've been so busy trying to beautify my blogger I haven't started on my gossip column???

And subs still yelling for it, while I have an assignment with Kak Jee in 20 minutes at Times Square. I am so fucked! Gotta dash off...need a ciggy. Procrastinators unite...

Joe Hahn and the Singapore Sale

Got into office about an hour ago. Spent ages doing my routine free bitching in the Bluehyppo messageboards for the Malaysian Idol.

So therapeutic...not quite as shopping for shoes but almost... woken up this morning (it was actually past noon-I love my flexible working hours) by a call from Syabreena from Warner Music on the Linkin Park Meteroa Tour concert in Singapore next week....

Rejected her call twice, but lucky got it on the third...just out of pity....So malas nak layan time nak tidur ni. Anyway...she had some good news to spare.

I'll be doing an interview with the guys from Linkin! Can't wait to get up close and personal with Joe Hahn. Last bumped into him at last year's MTV Asia Music Awards (or was it 2002?) He's been packing on more weight, and he looks more yummy than ever. Last time saw him, he also had his very gorgeous supermodel-esque girlfriend in tow.

To anyone interested in Joe (not me) all the good ones are indeed taken (don't ever believe about them being married or gay...I don't see any gay guys good enough to qualify for that statement...

Weather today a little hot...glaring sun...lucky I had a pair of shades with me. Not exactly the most classy.

A colleague of mine just got back from Singapore from an Elvis concert press conference, and he got a pair of Elvis sunglassses, you know the huge, gold rimmed ones. So anyway wore them to shield my pretty (squinty) eyes from the harsh sunlight...pretty comfy, though a little tacky as the body is made from cheap plastic sprayed gold (Eew!), though the legs are metal.

But the lenses are really expensive stuff judging by the clarity. However, felt more than a little ridiculous wearing them. Felt more ridiculous thinking of the silly concert they're going to hold while selling such memorabilia items.

Apparently, the concert will broadcast Elvis on a big screen, while his former musicians (in their 60s and 70s) play live onstage. The concert is the only Graceland sanctioned Elvis show in the world (whoopie!). Weird man...let the guy rest...he's dead already. And you thought his torture ended with asphyxiation on his own vomit....

Since I'm on a Singapore tip....can't wait to get to the republic that legitimately steals our country's water. After all, was there two weeks ago and the sale was absolutely CRAZY!

I know I'm going to go bonkers there, so cutting down on every Ringgit spent here, in hopes it'll be enough to do a decent spot of shopping. Don't have anything in mind at the moment of what I'm going to get (Though Topshop is on my list)...but who cares.

Shopping is like life. You never know what you're going to get when you arrive, but the journey is half the fun. Hope I can drag my straight colleagues the whole stretch of Orchard Road (Hope that cutie at Lucky Plaza is still working there). to finish up my gossip column for Monday NOW! Goddamn sub-editors bising already. be back soon, blogger dearest...

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

That God It's....Damn It!!! It's Only Wednesday??!?!!!

OK, my day was not as bad as what the topic might describe. Hasn't far at least. I sent in both my Akademi Fantasia and Malaysian Idol stories with time to kill. Tried to get some stuff on this damn blogger so I could feature a built in player....needless to say I failed.

Just don't know how to jazz up this damn blogger. Anyways, got a full night ahead, don't know how I'm going to deal with tomorrow when my gossip page is due. Got to have dinner with some BMG Music folks with the rest of the office.

And I was planning to head down to Central Market too.Maybe I'll squeeze it in... Then later in the night, I got to make way for the finals of the Queen of the Night finals. Baby and a couple of friends are in that, so I got to haul ass to support them.

Think I'm buggering from the office after this....See you again blogger....

PS Think I'm suffering from burns to my retinas...been spending too much time in front of the PC...damn blogger and Battle Realm...

Gray skies soothe me...

Just got into the office half hour ago.

Weather gone totally bonkers today. Left home from Klang in the searing heat.

By the time got to KL, it was all grey overcast skies. Kinda reminded me of London when I was there last October.

That has a totally soothing effect on me. For some people it might be blue skies that makes their day.

Mine's simply gray skies, that threaten to burst into a heavy downpour. much work for now to finish. See you later blogger...

What Am I Doing Here???

In a cyber cafe in Bukit Bintang. Stupid Salman's store is closed.

So fuck Cheers.

Had a good chin wag with some friends though. One of my friends is having trouble with his boyfriend, who I used to fancy. Suppose the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Kept thinking about my soul mate the whole way and wondered if it was for the better that we broke up. Am going to play Battle Realms awhile and call it a day.

Shit, I have to be in early tomorrow. Fuck this. Just feel so damn lonely. Saw a former best friend of mine, who was accompanied by someone. They were going out cruising. Look back and started thinking about the group of friends I had. We all used to be really tight. Whatever happened to us.

I suppose it's my fault I lost them all, that all of us broke up. We were too similar in the sense that we're all stubborn cows, all adamant to get our own way. But I wonder if things would have been different if I had kept my mouth shut.

After all, I've always played the eldest in the bunch and been the advisor for everything they do... Does that make me a lousy friend? Is honesty such an evil trait now? Even my soulmate can't answer that...

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Calling it a day...

OK...Am leaving this office. Managed to finish that shit piece on Akademi Fantasia 2.

God! I have to complete it and send it in tomorrow early for publication. Then I also have to complete my Malaysian Idol weekly column updates. AND my SO WHAT? gossip for Monday!

Goddamn it! I'm just going to go fucking bonkers! Leaving...leaving...leaving... At least I can be glad I'm going for Linkin Park in Singapore next week.

Think I'm heading to Bukit Bintang at Colour Bistro for supper. That place is really turning out to be Cheers. You know, that sitcom in the 80s where the theme song goes, "Sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows your name..."

Yeah well, sometimes, such as times like this when the blues hits, it's nice to wind down somewhere where people are going to come up to say hi.

Calling it a day...buggering off...see you tomorrow dear blogger. Hopefully we develop a relationship that spans longer than the last blogger.

My first day... again

Lord knows it's been some time since I last had a damn blogger. Christ! I can't even remember where I parked it or what it looked like or even what I wrote.

Who knows what incriminating shit I posted for strangers to casually browse. You know how old information tends to become incriminating, especially after it's been long forgotten? Like old embarassing baby pictures or that story of what you did back in pre-school etc.

God knows why but I just decided to begin a new blogger today after reading some real shitty ones online after a couple of links brought me about in cyberspace. Not that I have much to write about you see, just that perhaps I'm looking for some form of release. It's been lonely without my soulmate.. missing...

We broke up something like three months ago. I don't pine. I just miss.

I suppose I don't pine simply because I prepared myself that it would be over sometime. Seven months is not too long anyway.

To Jakarta with love. We were having a long distance relationship. The perfect one. Almost. Everyone of my friends said so. After all, Javanese/Chinese/Filipino descent on father's side, and Balinese/Chinese on mom's side and you got one hell of a looker.

Simply gorgeous.Educated.Well groomed.And extremely fun to be with. Anyway, back to this blogger thingie.

Trying to pour out feelings in this blogger is going to be commonplace as it's part of my theraphy I suppose, to recover totally.

But more importantly, who knows, maybe my life will be worth reading about for someone else, some day. Lord sure knows, how I read on about the lives of others and feel that way. Maybe it's time for me to start feeling some self-worth.

Positivity in self-affirmation.

You can't beat that.